Ducks are angry creatures.

Last night I was thinking about something to write today and I thought of an awesome in-joke that lead to the realisation (no spell check, that does not have a Z in it) of just how angry and perverted ducks are. It's true.

Before I get onto that, however, I have to grouch for a bit so bear with me, it gets better I swear.

So I think I mentioned in my first post that I'm a student? If not, Hi I'm a student! 

Studying involves writing these horrid things called essays. This involves writing 1500(ish) words about a topic which your lecturer already knows everything about, but wants you to regurgitate everything they taught you. This trimester I'm studying all Classics; Roman History, Greek Society & Greek and Roman Drama. These papers are fascinating but when it comes to essays you have to chose a question to write on (often the question itself is about 5 lines long) and you must then write 6 or 7 points about the question.

 This sounds easy BUT you also have to find like 2 sources for each of those points who had that idea before you did but at the same time you can't have stolen the idea from them cos that would be plagiarism. I have 10 questions to chose from for my Roman History essay which is due Friday 20th (it's currently Saturday 14th). I have decided today I will spend the whole day working on my  essay.I have yet to decide on a question.This is really hard when I start reading the question and by the time I get to the end of the question I've forgotten the first half of it. My family has a history of undiagnosed dyslexia and possibly ADD haha oooh dear just to prove it I misspelled dyslexia the first time heh.

But enough grumbling about my inability to read essay questions!

Ducks are angry creatures!

Next time you go to the local park, listening careful to the ducks in the pond.Because everyone has a local park and that park has a pond and that pond WILL be filled with ducks.

From birth we have the idea spoon fed to us that ducks are placid, cuddly creatures. Our little baby cardigans have duck shaped buttons and we have rubber ducky bath toys and little ducky plush toys and the list goes on.

THIS IS A CONSPIRACY AND HAS TO STOP!

Should probably give a little backs story here.

A couple weekends ago I was drinking with friends at their apartment. The next morning we decided it was an awesome idea to cram 5 hungover,energetic and over tired crazy people into one bed.Hilarity ensued.

Chris made the mistake of scratching his thigh under the blanket while pulling a face which gave the impression he was having an angry wank. I of course had to make a joke about this because, I mean, come on! Who wouldn't?! This then escalated into a huge in joke where anything sexual then became 'angry'

"Let's go get some cheeseburgers"

"Yeah, they're so tasty they make me angry"

You can only imagine, with childhood heros like the Hulk... we very quickly regretted our ability to make sexual innuendos out of the word 'anger'. Did this stop us? Hell no!

This then turned to everyday things like angry hobos on the bus and Blanket Man and that nun from the private school who was always angry about something...and ducks.

So you're back at the local park with the pond and the pond is full of ducks. Angry ducks. Listen very carefully to that noise they're making. I hear you say "What the hell is your point here we all know ducks say Quack you retard.This blog is bull" but, dear reader, you are wrong. For despite our parents/teachers/older person who tells us stuff when we're little's best efforts to shelter our innocent brains, once the truth is pointed out to us, it is impossible to ignore.

Those angry, perverted beasts are not saying Quack.Listen.Really listen, you'll hear it. 

What's that you say, Gemima Puddleduck? 

Wank? WANK?! You filthy bastards! 

I can guarantee you will never look at ducks the same. Those feathery rapey feral beasts are constanlty commanding you to commits acts of self gratification! All you parents who take your kids down to the park on your sunny days off to feed the "cute duckies" are only fueling the perversion! You are exposing your children to serious mental trauma that will screw them up for life and cause them to either spend all their money on Jolly Green Giants (Allie, I feel your pain) or a life time subscription to FHM, all in a desperate attempt to satiate their urges which were embeded in them at the young age from which they were exposed to ducks. 

Even Captain America can not withstand the ducks mental onslaught http://www.funnycorner.net/funny-pictures/4788/funny-demotivational-pictures/i-command-you-to-wank-.html

There should be a wonderful, funny way to bring this post to a close but there is not.This may make some readers angry (ba dum psh) but as anyone who has seen my academic essays can tell you, I suck at writing conclusions, this is why I never went into novel writing, I can never work out how to finish things.

So I merely encourage you to think twice next time you plan on taking a young child down to the local park with the pond full of ducks to look and the 'cute duckies' think long and hard about the implications.

hehe... long and hard... hehe

WANK

* Update* I made this picture to go with this post cos studying is for losers! REBEL!