Turns out I have an in-class test tomorrow for Greek Society.
I had a look at the example questions my lecturer put online for us to practice and I realised that not only did I not recognise any of the terms in the "name these terms" sections, I looked at the essay questions and I have no idea what they are even asking.
Oh dear...
Because of my work contract with Access Radio, I wasn't able to attend lectures for the first few weeks of Uni and after that I was just horrendously lazy and in 6 weeks with 18 lectures I have been to about 5. I took notes in maybe 2.
I am SOOO screwed...
I'm currently debating the merits of going to sleep and hoping for the best vs staying up all night reading through the slideshows online, cramming as much information into my brain as will possibly fit without making me explode in a fire of doom and self inflicted despair.
I had a brief moment of joy today when I realised my essay for Roman History was finished and I actually had managed to write something half decent without mindlessly typing whatever words come to mind in some sort of semi-logical order.
My usual essay writing style is; put it off until the last minute, then, the night before it is due, stay up all night desperately trying to make some sort of sense out of the tragic excuse for notes I have scribbled on bits of paper which have no dates on them so have no sort of chronological order to them.
At some point I realise I have no idea what I'm writing about and it's probably just better to give up.But then I remember Wikipedia knows everything and a spark of light pierces my dark fury of senseless typing and I think maybe, just maybe I can do it.I start to read through any Wikipedia article that might have something to do with my essay question and try to just make up the word count anyway possible, absolutely shitting myself that I wont get it finished and I will fail the paper and never get my degree.
This would doom me to a life of working at somewhere like Woolworths or The Warehouse.
Then I will never be able to get a good salary so I wont be able to afford to move out of home or if I do I'll be stuck renting forever and wont be able to buy my own house and cos no sensible man worth marrying will ever want to marry a girl stuck renting for the rest of her life, I will never get married and be stuck as a spinster for the rest of my life.
This will make me very lonely so I will buy lots of cats and become a crazy cat lady, throwing cats at the school children who walk past my lawn on the way to school because I'm so jealous of them and their parent's abilities to buy a house and get married and procreate.
Then comes the school reunion, and having to face all my school friends who are working for the government or have their own law firm and they're all talking about they're graduation ceremonies and then they ask me where I finished my degree because they didn't see me around Uni after that time I did that paper I failed and then I say "Oh, I never graduated" and they try to be polite and act like they aren't horrified to be talking to a University drop out and ask as nicely and gracefully as possible "So, what are you doing with yourself these days?"
Just for shock value, and for a reason to leave, I'll reply something like "What am I doing with myself? Well, mostly disgusting, fetishist acts of self gratification while my 50 cats watch me cos my lack of a degree means I never got married and now I live by myself in a one bedroom flat.Which is good really because it means I don't have to pay much for heating, I just burn my own hair because I can't afford firewood."
This will then make everyone remove themselves from my presence and I'll be free to return home to my beloved fur babies.
Take note, New Zealand Department of Education/Social Development. This is what you're doing to people. This is what you've doomed us to.
ps Yeah I totally kinda copied Allie Brosh's couch style with that picture, check her out! http://hyperboleandahalf.blogspot.com
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