home alone horror movies are fun.

Kinda.
Depending on the type of person you are really. I like them as long as they aren't the "there's a creepy slasher guy who has decided he's going to attack, torture and kill everyone in the 38th house on your street,oh shit, that's your house" type film. Certain types of supernatural films get me too. Not Paranormal Activity cos that was just crap but films like that.

I just watched Dark Water which has Jennifer Connolly as a woman going through a messy post-divorce child custody battle with her husband and moves into an apartment building which is haunted by the spirit of a little girl who died by falling into a water tank.It's very depressing and it's meant to be more of an intellectual "make you think about the human mind" film but doesn't quite meet the mark though it makes a decent attempt.

Dark Water is based off an Asian horror novel and I can imagine the original would've been a lot better as with the Grudge and the Ring etc.

I'm also watching it home alone at 2:09AM and if it were a better film I think I would be shitting myself right now. But this is not the type of film to leave me wanting to run to my friends house in case the same plot suddenly takes place in my house.

The few sane readers I have are currently asking "why the hell are you up at 2:09 in the morning watching horror movies home alone?"

Well partially because I'm making the most of my Dad and brother being up at a hockey tournament and the fact I'm still on mid-term break, that explains the home alone part. 

Also I'm still desperately hoping that my cat, Frei, will come home and as I never know when that will be, I am terrified to go to bed or leave the house in case he comes home and I'm not here so he leaves again.

I keep hearing the floor creak in the corner of the room behind the fridge and automatically my brain associates that with the noise Frei makes when he's under the house coming in through the old hot water cupboard. 

But of course then I remember that the noise is coming fro the wrong end of the room and the no, it's not Frei coming home and I'm just hearing things.Again.

Those of you old enough to have your own pets will know why I'm so desperate for him to come home. I don't mean people who have a family pet that was given to them for a birthday or is just considered 'their pet'.

When you get your first pet and you raise them and toilet train them and take them to their first vet visit and you buy them the food and their toys and their collar and watch their personality come through, it's heartbreaking to think of anything happening to them that you can't help them with.

I guess it's the same with kids, you take them to their first day of school or their first sleep over and you wait... and wait... and wait and you're terrified something is going to happen and you just want them to come home.

A 4 year old was in the news last week because he went missing and 6 days later they hadn't found him. Eventually they discovered his body in the river that flowed past the back of the family property.

I can only imagine how awful it must have been for his parents just waiting and every day the not knowing.

By no means am I comparing my missing cat to a 4 year old drowning and being found 8 days later.

However, it is a good example of what I'm going through and I feel I can understand his parent's dilemma a bit bitter.

When you wait day after day and just don't know what's happened it's just awful... awful. You want to go out and look because you feel so helpless sitting at home doing nothing. At the same time there are only so many places you can look and only so many times you can check the same place.

Sometimes the answer IS to sit and wait. That answer isn't always helpful though because you feel like you're not doing enough or there is something you should be doing and if only you knew what it was then maybe that would get them home sooner.

I'm sorry guys, these posts have been slightly down but I am kind of going insane waiting for Frei to come home. 

I promise I'll get something super cheerful and awesome up soon.

In the mean time, check out Allie's latest offering at hyperboleandahalf.blogspot.com she currently has a mini comic strip about being careful what you wish for but from a funny new angle. 

Also if you see my cat bring him home damnit!!!

Chris you are WRONG!

So during an epic Facebook conversation in an attempt to hide a wall post from someone's mother by filling up our friend's wall with so many other wall posts it disappeared from the main page thus stopping her from stumbling onto it when she logged in and getting mad at said friend for posting such a thing on Facebook *deep breath* I was told I could not have my cookie and eat it to.

I begged to differ.

The following video is the result of all this commotion combined with the fact I am up at 1:48 am because I can't sleep knowing my poor cat-baby is still lost somewhere in the pouring rain suffering from poisoning.

My voice amuses me. Yes I am kiwi hence the accent, if you can't understand me I will email you a word by word transcript so as to achieve full viewing pleasure.

I apologize in advance ladies if your men suddenly decide to leave you because they are so over come by my sexy cookie eating face. Men, the same apology applies.

Thank you and goodnight/morning

Fanta+chocolate ice cream = spider/float?

Yeah I know it's weird but I tried it and hey it wasn't that bad.
I needed something to cheer me up.
My cat has been missing since Saturday morning and it's now Monday afternoon.That's two whole days.
I looked in the old dog house because he started sleeping in there since our dog died and found the sleeping bag had been half pulled out and there was this awful mess inside... the kind of mess a cat leaves after being poisoned.

So I'm kind of terrified for the life of my fur child. It doesn't look good.

Half of me thinks maybe he's been caught by the Samoans next door and now they're going to eat him.
The family moved in a few months ago and within a week there were about 20 people who all seemed to be living in the house. This is a 3 bedroom house. Then, once the house was full, they started putting people in the garage. Now they also have a dog who just had 4 puppies. One of the puppies went missing and they claim it was stolen. But when you let them wander all over the place without collars or supervision and don't put a gate on your property it's not exactly a huge mystery as to what could've happened. My cat has always been terrified of them, since they moved in he's started jumping at his own shadow.

The other half of me thinks he's been locked in my other neighbour's garage or trapped in her crazy hoarder lady house. She hates cats and used to have a couple dozen birds in cages in her garage which naturally Frei was fascinated with. He used to go over and watch them, he'd never try to hurt them cos he's terrified of birds, but try telling that to a lady who spends all her time talking to birds. This same lady has to sleep on the couch in her lounge because all three bedrooms in her house are so full of crap that she can no longer get into them. She can't cook anymore because her kitchen is so full of crap that it covers the oven and the table and her benches. She wont answer the door to anyone because 1)she doesn't want people to see the inside of her house and 2) she's convinced she'll be robbed/stabbed/something else horrid if she opens the door to a stranger. These facts often lead me to question her sanity. Also she looks how you would expect and insane person to look.

Nana went through a phase of trying to be the good Samaritan and help Margaret but it had no effect other than making our lounge smell like Margaret. Apparently she saw two ladies go up to Margaret's door the other day. Nana says she's been having strokes.

So either my cat is being eaten by big brown foreigners who treat their on pets like crap, which leaves little hope for anyone else's or he's been trapped/poisoned by a crazy bird loving hoarder lady who could be dead from a stroke in her own house and no-one would be able to find her because of all the junk she hoards. That last sentence may sound harsh but it's true.

I'll keep you guys updated and hope that I find him.

Here's a photo of my fur baby so y'all can see just why I miss him, look at that gorgeous face.

I learned how to crash start a car!

Ok normally when you learn to drive your parents teach you things like how to change a tire and how to measure/change the oil.

 One thing my Dad missed out was how to crash start a car should I find myself with a dead battery. Admittedly I drive an automatic so not necessarily the most important thing to know BUT still helpful.
                                                                                                                          
 Last night however, I got a crash course in crash starting a car.

I went out for a drive last night with my friend Jason. We went to The Warehouse cos I needed some cheap random items to finish my Zydrate gun (http://www.cosplay.com/photo/1961223/).
At the check out I decided I was suddenly starving so we went to our favourite fish ad chip shop then parked up on the foreshore to devour our meal.

 For those of you unfamiliar with Wellington, NZ here's the kind of view you get from Petone Foreshore aka The Esplanade http://www.flickr.com/photos/anakiwa_forever/513214668/ that's just one shot.                                            
                                            
 So we were sitting listening to Pendulum enjoying our feast of chips and fanta and chatting about anything that came to mind, as you do at 9 o'clock on a Thursday night.                                                                                                                                                                                                                
It started getting late and Jason had work in the morning so we decided it was home time.               
Jason turned the key to start the car but nothing happened.                                                                                                                                                                                                                                  
 At first I thought he was joking round "I'll take you home now *fakes starting car* or will I?"                  
I was wrong.                                                                                                                                          
                    
Jason "Guess what?"                                                                                                                              
Me "Uh, you're hungry?"                                                                                                                    
Jason "I think I have a flat battery"                                                                                                          
Me "You do?But wait, how is the radio still going?" (I'm a girl and don't understand much about cars)
Jason then turns off all the electronics and gives the key another hopeful turn.                                       
Lucy (the car) gives a very sad sounding "hu-plurgh" sort of noise which translates to "I love you guys and I'm trying really hard but I don't think we're going anywhere right now"

Jason then pulls out his wallet and grabs hish AA card to call Roadside Assistance to get them to give us a jump start.

What followed was about half an hour of Jason proving his identity with a stupid amount of security questions then us trying very hard to find some sort of landmark to identify whereabouts on the very large stretch of road we were.                                                                                                                                                                                                                                   
Phone Operator "Can you give me your full name and date of birth please"
                         "Ok now you home phone number?"                                                                             
                         "Cool and your home address?"                                                                                    
                         "Now your cell phone number?"                                                                                    
                         "What make is the car?"                                                                                              
                         "And the licence plate of your car?"                                                                            
                         "And whereabouts are you?"                                                                                  
Jason "We're on Petone Esplanade"                                                                                                      
P.O "Which end?"                                                                                                                                   
Jason "Uh.. the east end..."                                                                                                                    
P.O " Are you near the traffic lights?"                                                                                                    
Jason " No uh... we're just up from... um... I think it's Waione Street? *turns to me* I'm just going for a walk"
                                                                                        
He disappears for awhile to try and find some sort of thing to identify our exact location and after a few minutes comes back still on the phone looking highly exasperated                                                                                                                                                                                                             
P.O " Ok so someone will head out to help you, it could be about 20 minutes away, or it culd be up to an hour"                                                                                                                                                
Jason,as patiently as possible "...Thank you...."
                                                                                                                                                
He turns to me with a look I would call devious in any other situation and asks
"Have you ever crash started a car before?"                                                                                                                              
Me "uh... not from the driver's seat?I mean, I helped push the car for Dad once way back..."            
Jason "Wanna learn?"
Me "uhmmm not really but I mean... I don't wanna wait for an hour"
Jason "It's real simple, jump in the driver's seat and I'll teach you"
                                                    
I was aprehensive straight away.Not because of my driving abilities, I'm an excellent driver. But because of the sheer size difference between myself and Jason's 800kg Honda.

Took a couple minutes to move the seat far enough forward for me to be able to reach the pedals even then I had to shimmy right to the front of the seat.
                                                                                                                                                    
Jason "Right, you can reach?"                                                                                                              
Me "Uh... yep!"                                                                                                                                       
Jason "Ok.Here's what you gotta do, put your foot on the clutch"
Me *puts foot on clutch* "Kay"                                                                                                         
Jason "Now, into first."                                                                                                                          
Me "oookay!"                                                                                                                                         
Jason "Now this is the important bit, when I say NOW you take your foot off the clutch then put it straight back on and hit the brakes at the same time, ok?You gotta push the clutch as far as it'll go."
Me "Uh, kay..." *starts pooping myself a little"
Jason "Right, you've got to steer now, take the hand brake off"
                                                                                                                                                                                                                            
So Jason starts pushing the car backwards and I try to steer while very aware that I can't see what's behind me cos Jason's shoulder is blocking the wing mirror and the internal mirror is too high for me to use.
(I'm only just realising how potentially illegal our actions were...)
                                                                                                                                                                                                              
Suddenly Jason yells out "Brakes!"                                                                                                        
So I hit the brakes harder than I meant to, his brakes work much better than mine.                          
Jason leans into the car "You ready?"                                                                                                     
Me "Uh..."
                                                                                                                                            
I didn't have time to answer cos Jason then said "Take her out of gear"                                                
I obeyed and he started pushing forward "On the clutch, into first"                                                        
I obeyed again and waited with my foot on the clutch, adrenaline starting.                                            
Jason yells "Now!"                                                                                                                                     
So I do as he''d instructed and bam Lucy shudders slightly then starts purring away like a kitten.    
Jason leans back in beaming at me "You did it!"                                                                                  
I replied with a massive smile which basically translated to "I didn't screw up!YAY!I am awesome!"

                          
                                                                                                                                                                  
It wasn't til he was back in the driver's seat that Jason pointed out the very expensive looking Subaru that we would've crashed into had I screwed it up and the equally expensive looking vintage car behind us which had cause him to yell out "Brakes!" earlier while reversing.
                                                                                                                                                                          
We called the AA back saying we wouldn't need them anymore and headed to my place.                  
Lucy must've been glad to get started again cos the whole way home she felt like a dream ride.    
We got to mine and Jason pulled up and said " I wont walk you to the door cos if I leave Lucy we may not get her started again"
                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                  
I got inside excited to share my accomplishments only to find no-one was home. So I told the Facebook world by updating my status instead. And of course by making this blogpost n_n

Job hunting is depressing.

I apologize in advance for this post as it will be a little meh. For I am feeling rather meh.
I've been job hunting for almost 2 months now. I started a few weeks before my contract ended at Access Radio with the hopes I'd go straight from that into another job.
So far I have applied for every single job that looked like it was something I could do for a living.
Only one application has led to an interview and I got a call from them this morning saying "We ad upwards of 80 people and your interview was very impressive *misleading pause* however you were the second choice and we have given the position to someone else. We have some full time positions coming up shortly and do encourage you to apply for those"
Well that's great but remember the part in my application where I said "this part time position is ideal for me as it fits nicely around my current hours of study" ?
Yeah.

Every time I get one of those rejection emails with the professional mock sympathy I just die a little inside.
It starts off this horrible spiral of self confidence despair.
I begin to get all existential and start questioning the validity or point of my life.
What's the point of it all? Work my butt off for someone who doesn't appreciate me to pay for a bunch of stuff other people say I need and have some kids and tell them that they need to do the same thing to be considered normal and then I die.

Then I have a mini wake up call and realise that I hate most customer service people because they are retarded and can't do their job properly and I think heck, if those idiots can do it, so can I!
So I apply for a couple dozen more jobs only to be met with the same email time and again and I begin to doubt in myself once again but this time questioning my ability to do the simplest of tasks. What is it that makes me so unemployable? What vital social skill am I lacking that makes me undesirable in the workforce?
Oh God, what necessary part of my brain did you miss out when putting me together? Why don't you want me to have nice things?

I go through all these steps over and over again and slowly find myself further and further down the unemployment induced spiral until I feel like I should just give up and lie in bed forever because that is so much simpler than trying to function in society.
But I have too much pride to do that. I continue doggedly applying for anything that doesn't require a degree or some form of technical qualification in the hopes someone will find something they decide they can pay me for and I do it all at some horrendously inhumane hour of the morning which shouldn't even exist as far as I'm concerned.

I thought today I could go into costume making for a living, I do pretty well at making costumes for myself. The main issue would be mass producing the damn things.
Also I would be totally crap at running my own business cos I'd constantly forget to pay tax and stuff like that.
There is one tiny ray of hope in all of this, my friend just sent me a link on Facebook to a "Video Blogger" position that is basically all the things I did at Access Radio but in front of a camera instead. I could totally do that!

Fingers, toes,, tongue and eyes crossed.

I'm sorry that last part was a lie, I can't go cross-eyed.
But that, my dears, is a tale for another day!

Letters-Volume 1.

Disclaimer:This is no way an original idea.Letters to objects came from Allie's blog and I'm just too lazy today to come up with something original haha Shadap.

Dear Leg thief,
I have no idea who you are. But next time you decide to steal my legs and run a marathon with them in my sleep how about you stop (hammertime!) and use your own damn legs! I really don't appreciate waking up in the morning feeling like I climbed the Empire State Building stairs in the night. I now can't do anything requiring the use of my thighs as the feel like jelly.Very sore jelly.
Cheers,
Jepha's thigh muscles.

Dear Mr Mallows
Please stop tasting so damn good. You're sugary delciously mushy mallow goodness is going straight to my gut. My pudginess does not need any help existing, it's doing very well on its own.I miss my size 9 jeans (Americans that's about size 4 or 6.)
Thanks.
Jepha's tastebuds and belly.

Dear piece of ribbon thast fell off my bra last night,

How the hell did you manage to stay attached to my boob AFTER I removed my bra and threw it in the washing pile? I shat myself 3 times over when I discovered you because I thought you were a daddy long leg spider!

  

How was I to know you were just a piece of decoration that fell of my skin coloured bra?

You suck.

Seriously.

Dear Blogger,

Why on earth do you assume that I want to type from the center of the page after inserting a picture? Did it not occur to you that perhaps the act of inserting a picture did not mean I wanted to change the alignment of my text?Perhaps this act simply is an attempt to attach a comical picture to break the lines of otherwise unattractive text?

Sort your shit Blogger, sort it.Or else.

Or else the text bunnies will come for you in the night and eat your thumbs so you can't send any txt messages.Then you'll be forever cursed with the inability to txt or open jars or certain doorhandles. You'll never be able to join the cool kids playing pea-knuckle. These consequences can be avoided Blogger, it's your choice.

Yours textually,

Jepha.

Dear Bed,

You are amazing. Don't change a thing.

Actually, strike that, it would be cool if you changed your sheets every couple of weeks. Otherwise you might get smelly. Nobody wants that.

Yours with warm squishy love,

Jepha

Dear Dressing Gown Sleeves,

Why are you so intrusive? I seriously can't take you anywhere. I either have to sacrifice my ability to have warm arms in order to accomplish anything requiring the use of my hands or just sit there like a bloody muppet and not do anything. Neither of these are ideal outcomes. Is it really necessary for you to be so large? I only have very tiny arms so would it not be sensible for there to be versions of you with skinny arms so that you don't envelope everything in your path each time I reach for stuff?

Something to think about.

Dear Readers,

don't hate me for stealing Allie's awesome ideas. I'm on mid term break and have therefor retired my brain until September

Muchos Gracias.

ps here's a picture to bribe your silence

*UPDATE* 

Dear Nana,

Thank you for the awesome cookie you brought home for me and I'm sorry his gum drop nose fell off before I could snap this picture. You are awesome Nana. We like you, you can stay.

I found an awesome teapot!

How freaking neat is that?!

So yeah I went op shopping with my Nana and found this wicked tea pot masquerading as a doughnut haha.

"Why on earth were you going op shopping and why prey tell did you buy a tea pot?" you ask, well!

My 21st is coming up on Sept 9th so I'm having a themed party on the 11th.

The theme is Burlesque Masquerade Wonderland. I wanted something I could go way over the top with but couldn't pick just one of those so combined all three.

The tea pot comes in with the lay out of the thing.

I'm going to have the hall set out like a giant version of the Mad Hatter's Tea Party and have lots of tables and a tea set at each one with cocktails in tea pots for everyone to drink.

Now, I can't have just any tea pots at a Mad Hatter party, can I?

No. I can not.

For it would not be the same, dear readers!

The best part about the Mad Hatter set up is that none of the cups match their saucers and none of the doilies match and there's funny coloured tableclothes and the tea pots are all kinds of crazy shapes and sizes.

Hence my immediate love for the above tea pot which I got from the Te Amonga Hospice store in Petone today for $10 (for you yankees that's about $5 US,Europeans, about 3 pounds)

I spent about $200 on supplies including (but definitely not limited to) tea pots, tea cups, doilies, streamers, crazy string, tableclothes, balloons, flower petals and other sprinkle-able confetti type stuff.

I am yet to confirm a venue for the party. But this is a small hiccup in my otherwise immaculate planning.I figure there's no point having a venue if you don't have decorations! Gosh!

I may even have free music, a friend of mine has recently discovered a love for dj-ing ad is therefor pretty keen to showcase his skills at any possible opourtunity.His one condition is I supply his alcohol. I think I can handle this simple request.

I had a Kate moment today when I discovered someone I had never met had decided to hit "Attedning" on the Facebook event page for my party. Luckily I noticed before it got anymore than one person. 

I'm so glad I added the "If I don't know you, you will not be allowed in" disclaimer to the event description.

Oi Vey.

INSERT RANDOM TANGET HERE!

I ran out of things to say about my party but didn't feel this post was long enough to publish so I figured random tangent time. Afterall, if you're a follower of a blog and there's a noteable gap from one post to the next, you want each post to be fairly significant to a) make up for your lack of new reading material between posts   and   b) give you more stuff to re-read should the worst happen and there be too long a wait between posts.

I've been waiting for Allie to put a new post up on Hyperbole And A Half since the 11th.Agh!

It feels like forever! I finally caught up on all the archive stuff and now I just can't find anything else to fill the void.Nothing quite matches the epicness of Allie's blog. She is a whole different kinda awesome.

She should seriously start paying me for all the shameless plugging I do for her blog....But no, the world is not quite that awesome.

However, the world is awesome enough to give me a gorgeous day of non-stop sunshine but and hold off the rain until I was curled up in bed with my electric blanket on and my cat snuggling me warmly. 

It's currently bucketing down outside and I'm all cosy in bed with the duvet (comforter) pulled up to my chin n_n This is helped greatly by my Dad's awesome decision to get wireless broadband so I can have 20gig a month of wireless goodness from wherever in the house I want. Should I get adventurous I can also go all the way to the back of the yard and still get it, yay!

Heaven help those poor bastards stuck using dial up, or without internet at home.

I can just tell I'm going to get all sorts of hate mail now "There are people in the world who don't even have a roof over their heads or food to eat or clothes to wear and there you are saying how awful it is to have dial up.You don't know what hardship is!"

You know what I say to those people? You, clearly, can't afford wireless broadband.You have my pity.