Holy crap I am SO screwed.

So part of this is probably my fault for not paying enough attention.
Turns out I have an in-class test tomorrow for Greek Society.
I had a look at the example questions my lecturer put online for us to practice and I realised that not only did I not recognise any of the terms in the "name these terms" sections, I looked at the essay questions and I have no idea what they are even asking.
Oh dear...

Because of my work contract with Access Radio, I wasn't able to attend lectures for the first few weeks of Uni and after that I was just horrendously lazy and in 6 weeks with 18 lectures I have been to about 5. I took notes in maybe 2.
I am SOOO screwed...

I'm currently debating the merits of going to sleep and hoping for the best vs staying up all night reading through the slideshows online, cramming as much information into my brain as will possibly fit without making me explode in a fire of doom and self inflicted despair.

I had a brief moment of joy today when I realised my essay for Roman History was finished and I actually had managed to write something half decent without mindlessly typing whatever words come to mind in some sort of semi-logical order.

My usual essay writing style is; put it off until the last minute, then, the night before it is due, stay up all night desperately trying to make some sort of sense out of the tragic excuse for notes I have scribbled on bits of paper which have no dates on them so have no sort of chronological order to them.

At some point I realise I have no idea what I'm writing about and it's probably just better to give up.But then I remember Wikipedia knows everything and a spark of light pierces my dark fury of senseless typing and I think maybe, just maybe I can do it.I start to read through any Wikipedia article that might have something to do with my essay question and try to just make up the word count anyway possible, absolutely shitting myself that I wont get it finished and I will fail the paper and never get my degree.

This would doom me to a life of working at somewhere like Woolworths or The Warehouse.
Then I will never be able to get a good salary so I wont be able to afford to move out of home or if I do I'll be stuck renting forever and wont be able to buy my own house and cos no sensible man worth marrying will ever want to marry a girl stuck renting for the rest of her life, I will never get married and be stuck as a spinster for the rest of my life.

This will make me very lonely so I will buy lots of cats and become a crazy cat lady, throwing cats at the school children who walk past my lawn on the way to school because I'm so jealous of them and their parent's abilities to buy a house and get married and procreate.

Then comes the school reunion, and having to face all my school friends who are working for the government or have their own law firm and they're all talking about they're graduation ceremonies and then they ask me where I finished my degree because they didn't see me around Uni after that time I did that paper I failed and then I say "Oh, I never graduated" and they try to be polite and act like they aren't horrified to be talking to a University drop out and ask as nicely and gracefully as possible "So, what are you doing with yourself these days?"

Just for shock value, and for a reason to leave, I'll reply something like "What am I doing with myself? Well, mostly disgusting, fetishist acts of self gratification while my 50 cats watch me cos my lack of a degree means I never got married and now I live by myself in a one bedroom flat.Which is good really because it means I don't have to pay much for heating, I just burn my own hair because I can't afford firewood."

This will then make everyone remove themselves from my presence and I'll be free to return home to my beloved fur babies.

Take note, New Zealand Department of  Education/Social Development. This is what you're doing to people. This is what you've doomed us to.

ps Yeah I totally kinda copied Allie Brosh's couch style with that picture, check her out! http://hyperboleandahalf.blogspot.com

4000 listeners!WOAH!

blessed fornication on a savoury fornication snack Batman! (read as holy f*ck on a f*ck sandwich Batman!)

I just discovered my radio show had over 4000 international listeners!In one month!
Do you guys have any idea how many that is? THAT'S LIKE MORE THAN DOUBLE 2000!!!

 Let me back up a little here.

So at the end of 2009 I found myself ending the University year with no job to get me through till the next Trimester when I could once again live of my blessed student loan and student allowance. (Thanks NZ government for teaching me how to rack up 1000s of dollars in interest free debt by paying for things on the tax payers dollar!)
This caused slight issues, I have a horrendous addiction to seeing films in the cinema.This came about as a result of working in a cinema for 3 years.
 Now in America this seems to be looked down on as a fairly lowly proffesion but here in NZ our cinemas aren't trashy places where your foot sticks to the floor if you leave it there for more than 3 seconds. At least, Sky City wasn't, mostly because it was brand spanking new. I was one of the first lot of staff members to be hired before the grand opening. This was a pretty cool job while in high school and raised me from quirky weirdo who likes foreign films and anime to quirky weirdo who works in a cinema so is now cool for liking foreign films and anime.
3 years later I get fired for what appeared to be (but wasn't) theft.

This brings me back to the point of being at the end of my study year with no job. I spent the next 2 months living off tax free under the table one off jobs doing things like cleaning house for people who'd broken bones and couldn't reach the top counter or waitressing for Bat Mitvahs (freaking AWESOME gig btw).
Eventually I thought hey, I'm not working on Sunday mornings, why not start going back to church?
So I did just that.

My first day back at church I happened to sit in front of a woman married to a guy who currently works in Parliament doing sound for all their events and press conferences and used to work at Wellington Access Radio. She started talking about how they were looking for 3 people to fill 6 month contracts doing things like Promotions, Technical work and Youth Co-ordinator. I mentioned I used to volunteer at a local tiny radio station called Tha Rage (yes, they actually spelled 'the' as 'tha' cos it was 'hip') so she said to give her my cv and she'd pass it on. A couple weeks later she said they wanted to interview me for the Promotions position.
I went in for the interview, freaked out as I always do, went home feeling kinda freaked that I'd never be able to do half the stuff they asked.
A couple days later I got a call from the woman who interviewed me offering me the Youth Co-ordinators position saying I'd be doing all the same stuff I did at Tha Rage only better and more proffesional.

Naturally I accepted.

Just like that I went from no job and no life to producing 4 shows a week for a national radio station which also broadcasts intrernationally (depending which way the wind blows, oh the joys of AM frequency) and online.

I felt pretty chuffed about myself haha.

During my 6 months I spent every Monday to Thursday on air from 330 til 5 as well as recording the news and interviewing people and all the awesome stuff that goes into making a Yoth radio show.
I also got to train other people in how to do all the stuff required to make their own show should the urge arise.
I think my favourite part though was learning sound editing/engineering. In my spare time I'd muck round splicing songs andchangin round peoples' words from interviews to make them say utterly bizare things.
The whole tie I was on air though, I wondered whether anyone was actually listening. They say that for every person who contacts you on the show there's another 10 people listening too scraed/shy/lazy to do so.
By that logic I figured we had about 40 people listening each day.

I left Access as an employee on the 1st of August when my 6 month contract came to a close but offered to stay on as a volunteer coming in once a week to do the podcasting for all the shows.

Through this I leanred how to check the online stats for each show.

Through that I discovered that during the month of July, the Youth Zone show had over 4000 listeners tuning in online from around tha globe. That's JUST the people who listened online, we have no way of measuring the amount of people listening on their actual radios.

I just about shat myself when I saw the numbers!

I can't believe that so many people actually found me and my co-hosts entertaining and CHOSE to go to the website and tune in to our show by choice not just by accidentally coming across it while turning the dial on their radio! Woo!
This is seriosuly the most awesome news I've had in a long while.
Even more awesome than when I got an email from Sylvie at Little Noise Cosplay saying she was making me a custom made Blind Mag costume, and that was pretty earth stoppingly awesome.
If you ever feel like checking it out (insert shameless plug here!) the website is 
www.accessradio.org.nz/youth_zone.html   and
www.accessradio.org.nz/queer_zone.html    that's the only Queer Youth show in all of New Zealand, we're so proud!

The site's got podcasts of interviews and stuff and if you're on the site when we're on air you can listen to us live haha. I think if you're i the States it's around 12am? Well... in Idaho when it's 1130 pm Tuesday it's 4pm Wednesday in NZ so *shrug* work it out I guess?
Hope you guys enjoy it!

Jello shots are awesome!

Here's a shot from the awesome fun I had on Saturday night at Rose's house

Look at all those Jello shots! They were so super yum! Of course we had to drink 'em while listening to that gangster rap song where the guy says the word SHOTS around 50 times in the song and the idea is you're meant to do a shot for everytime he says it.We didn't quite manage that but hell we certainly cleared all those shots in very little time.

On to todays' post haha. Remember that essay I was avoiding which was half the reason I started this blog? Yeah I still have not even touched it. I have 10 questions to choose from, none of which particularly jump out at me so I asked Dad to help me out.
Now, my Dad barely passed high school. Back when NZ had "School Cert" you had to get 35% to pass and Dad got 38% so naturally he's not exactly an academic. You may be questioning my thought process when deciding to ask my Dad who barely passed high school to help me chose a question for my 2nd year university Roman History essay. All he had to do was pick a number between 1 and 10.

Me "Hey Dad, help me out here, pick a number between 1 and 10."
Dad "11."
Me "Um... no. Dad, 1 and 10, any number between 1 and 10.
Dad "seventytwelve"
Me "7012? 7012?! how the eff is 7012 a number between 1 and 10?!"
Dad "Well you confused me, how about 3?"
Me "3? OK let's go with 3"

You see what I'm dealing with here? Getting help with earning a degree in New Zealand is seriously tough business. He can wire up a house and name every engine piece in the Interislander ferry but he can't pick a number between 1 and 10 without having 3 goes.
If only all courses were as easy as the Greek and Roman drama assessment I did yesterday. We had the choice of a)going to a weekend workshop where we had to act out a 3-5 minute scene from an ancient play            
                 then write a one page rationale on why we did what we did
          or b) writing a 1500 word staging description.

3 guesses which one I chose?

So after being up all night drinking copious amounts of jello shots and 45 proof Absinthe with wormwood I then had a 40 minute walk in the rain to get to Uni by 11:45 am only to discover my fellow classmates waiting outside the locked door huddled under what little shelter was provided by window ledges and overhanging trees.Awesome. Finally our very German, very pregnant lecturer arrived and let us in because Security just couldn't possibly have done handled such a chore.
Lucky for me 3 of my friends happened to sign up for the same day and they'd already chosen which scene we would do which left us with the simple task of cutting lines and therefor required very little thinking on my part, yay!
The basic plot for the play our scene was from is this:
"Medea" Jason marries Medea, a foreigner (not intelligent in Ancient Greece)
Jason and Medea have 2 kids who, like Medea, are not citizens of Greece.
Jason is offered chance to marry a beautiful Princess which would then make his sons citizens as well as making him very rich, he takes the offer and says to Medea, "Baby, come live with me and you can be my lover instead of my wife."
Medea doesn't like this plan.
The day of the wedding she sends a gift to the Princess, a poisoned dress and golden coronet. These gifts set he Princess on fire and melt her flesh, killing her then when King Creon tries to help, he suffers the same fate.
(Start our scene here) A messenger tells Medea what happened and she says "Awesome, I planned the whole thing, now I'm going to kill my children" So she goes inside to do that.
Enter Jason struck with grief and horror, discovers Medea has murdered their sons and then an awesome face off between the two. Ended by Medea flying away on a chariot led by dragons.Cool.
Just imagine you're walking through the University on a Sunday afternoon and you see this:

 it was awesome fun.

Like my awesome red velvet toga? Haha yeah... and that thing I'm standing is a table with a sheet draped over it and some cardboard doors taped to the front.It's supposed to be a barn and I'm standing on the roof.

Don't knock it, we had 3 hours and only what we had on us to work with haha. I think we did pretty well.

Sadly Roman History is not so easy/enjoyable to study for. 

A sane person would've started on the essay a couple weeks ago. Clearly, I am not a sane person. My brain keeps telling me I'll be fine and I don't have to worry about it but at the same time part of me knows every minute I'm not working on it is making it harder for me. Sadly there is a much larger part of me going "You've got so much else to do!": write a blog post 

                                      dry the dishes 

                                     organise your fetish ball costume

                                     txt the guys about what's happening next weekend

                                    call venues about finding a place to host your 21st

                                    buy alcohol for above 21st

                                    tag photos from Saturday

                                   watch Der Koenig Der Loewe (The Lion King IN GERMAN!)

                                   draw pictures of stuff that happened on the weekend

                                   play with cat

                                   finish drawing pictures

that's Rose's room with all of us trying to sleep and not die of heat exhaustion. The little floor space that wasn't taken up by mattresses was taken up by clothes. It was so hot we all ended up removing everything but the bare minimum to keep heat and yet also exposure to a minimum.

As you can see, I got very little work done on my essay. Luckily a friend came to the rescue and help by writing the intro and conclusion for me yay! However I did manage to write a blog post for your enjoyment

Ducks are angry creatures.

Last night I was thinking about something to write today and I thought of an awesome in-joke that lead to the realisation (no spell check, that does not have a Z in it) of just how angry and perverted ducks are. It's true.

Before I get onto that, however, I have to grouch for a bit so bear with me, it gets better I swear.

So I think I mentioned in my first post that I'm a student? If not, Hi I'm a student! 

Studying involves writing these horrid things called essays. This involves writing 1500(ish) words about a topic which your lecturer already knows everything about, but wants you to regurgitate everything they taught you. This trimester I'm studying all Classics; Roman History, Greek Society & Greek and Roman Drama. These papers are fascinating but when it comes to essays you have to chose a question to write on (often the question itself is about 5 lines long) and you must then write 6 or 7 points about the question.

 This sounds easy BUT you also have to find like 2 sources for each of those points who had that idea before you did but at the same time you can't have stolen the idea from them cos that would be plagiarism. I have 10 questions to chose from for my Roman History essay which is due Friday 20th (it's currently Saturday 14th). I have decided today I will spend the whole day working on my  essay.I have yet to decide on a question.This is really hard when I start reading the question and by the time I get to the end of the question I've forgotten the first half of it. My family has a history of undiagnosed dyslexia and possibly ADD haha oooh dear just to prove it I misspelled dyslexia the first time heh.

But enough grumbling about my inability to read essay questions!

Ducks are angry creatures!

Next time you go to the local park, listening careful to the ducks in the pond.Because everyone has a local park and that park has a pond and that pond WILL be filled with ducks.

From birth we have the idea spoon fed to us that ducks are placid, cuddly creatures. Our little baby cardigans have duck shaped buttons and we have rubber ducky bath toys and little ducky plush toys and the list goes on.

THIS IS A CONSPIRACY AND HAS TO STOP!

Should probably give a little backs story here.

A couple weekends ago I was drinking with friends at their apartment. The next morning we decided it was an awesome idea to cram 5 hungover,energetic and over tired crazy people into one bed.Hilarity ensued.

Chris made the mistake of scratching his thigh under the blanket while pulling a face which gave the impression he was having an angry wank. I of course had to make a joke about this because, I mean, come on! Who wouldn't?! This then escalated into a huge in joke where anything sexual then became 'angry'

"Let's go get some cheeseburgers"

"Yeah, they're so tasty they make me angry"

You can only imagine, with childhood heros like the Hulk... we very quickly regretted our ability to make sexual innuendos out of the word 'anger'. Did this stop us? Hell no!

This then turned to everyday things like angry hobos on the bus and Blanket Man and that nun from the private school who was always angry about something...and ducks.

So you're back at the local park with the pond and the pond is full of ducks. Angry ducks. Listen very carefully to that noise they're making. I hear you say "What the hell is your point here we all know ducks say Quack you retard.This blog is bull" but, dear reader, you are wrong. For despite our parents/teachers/older person who tells us stuff when we're little's best efforts to shelter our innocent brains, once the truth is pointed out to us, it is impossible to ignore.

Those angry, perverted beasts are not saying Quack.Listen.Really listen, you'll hear it. 

What's that you say, Gemima Puddleduck? 

Wank? WANK?! You filthy bastards! 

I can guarantee you will never look at ducks the same. Those feathery rapey feral beasts are constanlty commanding you to commits acts of self gratification! All you parents who take your kids down to the park on your sunny days off to feed the "cute duckies" are only fueling the perversion! You are exposing your children to serious mental trauma that will screw them up for life and cause them to either spend all their money on Jolly Green Giants (Allie, I feel your pain) or a life time subscription to FHM, all in a desperate attempt to satiate their urges which were embeded in them at the young age from which they were exposed to ducks. 

Even Captain America can not withstand the ducks mental onslaught http://www.funnycorner.net/funny-pictures/4788/funny-demotivational-pictures/i-command-you-to-wank-.html

There should be a wonderful, funny way to bring this post to a close but there is not.This may make some readers angry (ba dum psh) but as anyone who has seen my academic essays can tell you, I suck at writing conclusions, this is why I never went into novel writing, I can never work out how to finish things.

So I merely encourage you to think twice next time you plan on taking a young child down to the local park with the pond full of ducks to look and the 'cute duckies' think long and hard about the implications.

hehe... long and hard... hehe

WANK

* Update* I made this picture to go with this post cos studying is for losers! REBEL!

Who misses being a pre-teen? I DO!!!

So I have no classes today. What a dilemma! Whatever shall I do?!
The answer, dear readers, is simple.
DISNEY DAY!!!!
Being born in 89 I was just the right age to appreciate Disney at it's best. The first film I ever saw in a cinema was The Lion King when I was 5(ish) in 94.
It.was.AWESOME! You know how, when you're little, your parents make you go to bed at some stupid hour like 8pm? Well Dad took me out to see The Lion King and the film started at like 630. When we came out of the cinema the sun had gone down and so it was dark outside and there were lots of big people and HOLY CRAP I WAS HANGING OUT WITH BIG PEOPLE AT NIGHT TIME!
I felt so grown up being out of the house in public at night time and the whole way home in the car I was singing the songs but you know how little kids don't quite hear things right? Yeah well I couldn't remember all the words so I just kind of made it up and it must've been awful because the memory of what I actually said has been permanently swiped off my mental slate as the child mind is so good at doing with traumatic experiences.
My Dad clearly got sick of me singing my made up lyrics so he eventually bought me the cassette (yes you read correctly, cassette) which then got stuck on repeat till I saw the next Disney film and started mangling those lyrics instead haha.
By some blessed miracle, our butchering of the amazingly epic Disney songs did not put Dad off them for life. Every year for our birthday we'd get taken to whatever Disney film was currently showing at the local cinema (RIP Hoyts 5) and then for Christmas we'd get that film on VHS haha.
Because of this we now have quite an extensive collecting of post-1990 Disney VHS films.

Be right back, Hunchback of Notre Dame just ended, time for The Lion King.

MY WORLD JUST ENDED. The Lion King is missing!
The case is there but it's empty... where the hell is the tape!!!

Ok...it's ok... just breath.Everything is going to be cool. We'll just have to pick another film instead. Anastasia.Not Disney but still pretty epic.
Also it's a perfect example of what I was just talking about. Anastasia came out in 99 and for my 10th birthday Dad took me to the movies and said we could watch a film of my choice.We'd already seen Anastasia but hey I was a little girl and it was a film about a girl who discovered she was a Princess, what more could I ask for? We bought tickets and went to the cinema. We were the fist ones to arrive and I spent the next 5 minutes runnig up and down each seat row debating which would gain me the most advantageous viewing point.The film started and we were still the only ones in the cinema.Freaking sweet. I did not remain in one seat for more than about 10 minutes. I changed seats faster than Quagmire changes sexual partners.
At one point I was sitting about 5 rows in front of Dad and I thought it was an awesome idea to sit on the back of the seat instead of in the seat causing my little curly head to block a tiny circle of the screen from his view.Excellent.Great Success.

Three guesses what video I got for Christmas =D It has written on the label "Jessica, Xmas '99"
hehe MINE!

On the next 3 day weekend I'm getting everyone I know together and we shall revive our childhoods in style with a non stop Disney marathon. When I say Disney, I mean pre-2005 non of this Hannah Montana, Jonas Brothers, High School Musical crap. I refuse to watch that rubbish. Disney in it's hay day with the epic hand drawn animated films with epic ballads and choral scenes and jizz-tastic scores.That is the stuff childhoods are REALLY made of

By the way apologies for how technically basic this blog is but I'm not exactly technically savy haha. I like to think this will weedle out the people attracted by all the flash and whizz-bang and leave the people who give a damn about what I write.
Hopefully you guys/gals get some humour or enjoyment out of it?

Till next time darlin's

*Update* just found Mulan which Dad gave to HIMSELF for Christmas and Hercules which Dad gave to my 2 brothers and I for Easter.Seriously?Easter?Who gives their kids a VHS for Easter?Apparently my Father. God Bless him

Oooh my very first blog post.Am I a big kid now?

So... this is Blogger huh?
Ok I have spent quite a bit of time on here reading other blogs like Sleep talkin' man and hyperbole and a half (i <3 Allie Brosh!) so I figured the next step is to start my own blog.
I've also noticed that most of my Facebook posts are waaaay to long and frequently go over the word limit which somewhat handicaps my ranting abilities and gave me the motivation to search out other online story telling mediums.
I can't promise I'll post regularly. I can't promise I'll write well. But I can promise it'll (mostly) be worth reading haha. I am paying back all the hours I spent on here wasting valuable study time reading other peoples blogs, now it's time to return the favour.
May my words be your procrastination tools =)
Erm perhaps a wee intro would be good?
Well, I'm 20 living in New Zealand studying towards a Bachelor of Arts degree.Just finished a 6 month job at a radio station which was awesome fun and am currently putting most of my study effort into job and flat hunting.
yeah... I'm sure there's more important stuff to know but you'll pick that up along the way I figure.


OH! explanation of the blog title? Yeah...
I may possibly just slightly be a huge Whovian (for all you non-whovians and ignorant people, that's a Doctor Who fanatic)
The term "the slow path" comes from the episode in which the Doctor meets Madame Du Pompadore aka Rennette Poissant (sp?) by entering her time period through doors in a spaceship 4000 years into Renette's future. She comments that he is able to jump through time never aging and she is stuck on the slow path,waiting.
It seemed fitting, here I am on the slow path traveling in time but in a very linear sense as opposed to whizzing about the "wibbly wobbly ball of timey wimey stuff" in a Police Box that's smaller on the outside.
the 89 just comes from the fact I was born in 89 haha

There were many potential names but I chose this one as it seemed the most.... poetic?maybe? I don't know. Seemed better than something like "IwishIwereatimelord.blogspot.com" haha

I think I'm going to stop it here for today. But know that there is more to come.Much more. Epic stories of my mishap of a family and my nutcases for friends and my confusing love life and all that jazz!
Did I mention I'm also a huge musicals geek?
n_n till next time!